Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Falling for Books

  I know. I know. I haven't posted a lot lately.

I do have an excuse. Work is stressful, and hubby is still taking care of his mom, so things at home are stressful, too, and I'm not getting enough rest.

When I arrive home, I try to stick my feet up and watch a little television before heading for bed--or I might read a book--or I might do some knitting.

Lately, things just aren't suiting me. I feel quite out of place, and there is something going on with me that I can't quite understand.

I fell the other day and hit my ear crosswise on a bookcase, in case I didn't tell you,  and while it didn't affect my hearing, there is a small scar that is bugging the stuffing out of me, even as I write this. The scab itches continually. Then this morning, after letting the dog out, I found myself staggering around like a drunken sailor--so I leaned up against the wall for a bit until most of the feeling passed, and then continued to the bathroom to look at myself. I looked fine, but getting to the bathroom was like walking on an ocean liner. The day I hurt my ear, the same "sensation" came over me. 

So I've called the doctor, but I'm pretty sure she's just going to say "It's a symptom of your diabetes." or something like that. In other words, I'm going to feel stupid for the rest of my life--worried that at some point, I'm going to fall at the office, and they're just going to say "Go Home and Stay There", and I'll have to go on Long Term Disability, and then retire before I'm due.

And  I keep thinking: And this is a "bad" thing? I'm a little headachey today, too. I don't think it's related to my fall on my ear, but who knows. Then I worry that doc is going to want an MRI...check my heart again. And I feel like I'm trying to swallow a quarter--the throat hurts from the coughing from the sinus infection. Then again, I might only have a bit of heartburn?

I don't recognise my own body anymore, or maybe it doesn't recognise me. My brain still thinks I can overcome anything. My body says "Hold it RIGHT THERE, Scumbag", and then says "Make my day."

So I leave you with a pic of the beginning of all this:

Pretty ugly, huh?

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