Thursday, January 5, 2012

Fear Becomes You...

Someone asked me if I wasn't afraid of anything when I posted about opening my computer and putting in memory. It made me giggle, because truth be known, there are things I'm afraid of, but the guts of a computer isn't one of them.

For instance, I am afraid of storms, especially those with the possibility of tornadoes. I love happy, little spring rain that makes the flowers grow, but when it comes to tornadoes, I'm ready for the basement. The reason for this is because I went through a tornado as a child, and all I remember is screaming at the top of my voice and not being able to hear it for all the noise.

I'm afraid of spiders. They are fine, outdoors and in their element, but drop one in the tub, and I'm calling my husband to "get it out of my tub". Big man that he is, I can always count on him to take care of the nasty thing.

I'm not scared of snakes, but they do make me jump when I wander across one and it's unexpected--but I have a pet snake--a Dumerils Boa. Very pretty snake. If snakes can be pretty.

I'm not afraid to jump out of an airplane, but I'm not about to try it. I have a healthy respect for activities where you can end up with a really mangled body or worse...emphasis on the "worse". Likewise, you won't find me scaling tall mounts on a rope (for exactly the same reason), without lots of other people around and someone to break my fall.

I'm not afraid of lightning, but I don't stand outside with a kite, string and key, either...again, for similar reasons. Call me stupid, but I value my life (to a degree). I say that, because a few days ago, I realized that my ex-husband may have tried on numerous occasions to murder me. That said, it's probably a really good thing he's an ex, right? But this latest one, really sort of shot me in the head...

There was a big "KaBOOM" in our mobile home one night that brought me out of a sound sleep, shook the pictures off the walls, and scared me to death. When we woke up next morning, we found that the chimney had "blown it's top", and the lid was laying on it's side on the roof. We didn't know what was happening, at least *I* didn't know, but looking back, it's one of those "I wonder if..." moments...

We had natural gas heat, so when a problem presented with the furnace (where the boom came from), it went up the chimney instead of blowing the trailer to bits (as propane would do). We were VERY lucky (at least *I* thought so). When it happened a second time, I called the furnace man, who came out and found a hole in the baffle, which caused the furnace to load with gas, then when the thermostat kicked in, "kaboom". So we had to get a new furnace.

Looking back on it, I remember the hole as being about the size of a large if someone had stuck the screwdriver and pressed down on the baffle to create the hole.

Therefore the "hmmm" moment, because that's not the ONLY incident that I sort of rummage over now and then. Of course, he would deny it. But he lies all the time, and I have nothing to do with him anymore, and so there's a very healthy FEAR of my ex-husband. My current husband thinks I'm being an idiot about him. But you know, once burned, twice shy. When he tries to talk to me, I turn and walk away, and then I look over my shoulder to make sure he's not following me. Darn stalker, anyway!

But enough of you see, there are things I am afraid of, but the guts of my computer? BAH! I sooner be afraid of snails. I'm sure that there are other things I am afraid of--losing my job...dying before I use up all the yarn I own...dying before I use up all the fabric I own...things like that, but I tend to not allow those things to prey on my brain, and think of happier things. I'm a lot more afraid of certain behavior that didn't scare me in the slightest when I was 20 and thought I owned the world. I think I was hitchhiking in Denver when Ted Bundy was in town, but that's kind of an unknown, actually. He may have been in Florida at the time.

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