I'm Slightly Flumoxed!

And more than a little out of sorts.

I've not been feeling well for over a week, and the whole of it put me in the hospital overnight on Friday-Saturday. The doctors are pretty sure it's something to do with my "female parts", but the entire hospital stay was frightening and sleep disturbing. They've finally determined that I need to see a gynecologist to determine what to do about my "issues" with my "female parts".

I found out that I am terrified of doctors or nurses who are harbingers of pain. Not that they intend to cause pain, but because of the stress and the fear, the pain enhances, and so I try to avoid it. We finally opted for an alternative that was less "invasive", and after the procedure, I was finally able to catch a few z's.

But I spent many hours tense and afraid. I'm happy to visit with a gynecologist on Monday, after the intense emotions of Friday-Saturday, and very thankful that I'm home, and safe from prying hands. I'm tired to the bone, but still found a bit of time to do some knitting, eat a little bit, and watch a bit of television. My poor husband, up with me the entire time, was unable to sleep at all has finally succumbed and gone to bed. I am still up, only because I am thirsty and to write a small missive here about the experience.

I'm concerned that I will need to have a hysterectomy--it will be okay, since they put you to sleep for this sort of surgery, but not looking forward to the time required for recovery. I'm concerned about cancer, although the doctors didn't infer it...just that the trouble I had Friday night may revisit me one day when I least expect it, and that is why they proffered the route of hysterectomy. I'm more afraid of the pain than I am of the surgery. At least you're asleep through surgery, and as much as it hurts after, it's still preferable to the sort of pain I endured on Friday. I promise you.

And so, on Monday, I am to contact the gyno and set up an appointment to discuss the option and give her the information collected by the hospital and go over my alternative options. The hope is that I'll be able to get things taken care of over a long weekend--and have it done and over with, because I don't like pain, I don't like discomfort, and I don't like strangers poking and prodding me in private places...not even doctors!

So there you have it. I was afraid and a real BABY, and I am disappointed in myself for behaving the way I did, but there comes a time when you must take life into your own hands and I don't feel at all embarrassed about that. I just wish I hadn't had to go through the BABY part.

Well, I'll sign off for now, turn off the tube, put the knitting away, because my husband, who was very supportive, is waiting for me.