Today, I blog for no reason. I'm simply glad that it's Friday and that at the end of the work-a-day, I can come home and relax for about 56 hours, doing whatever my mind tells me to do.
This is a good thing. My brain needs the rest sometimes, and I know that I'm about to get slammed with work at the office. It's strange, but when I was younger, and the boss offered overtime, I'd snap it up like a thirsty man in a desert! Now, I value my AWAY time FAR MORE, and I generally turn down overtime.
My husband doesn't understand this. He doesn't understand that I would sooner teach a class at JoAnn's for FAR less money and get some satisfaction from getting a job well done, than to work overtime, where I'd make 300% more,
Like I said, he doesn't get it. The sort of work that I do there, while quite important, is stupid enough that a monkey could do it--a monkey with no training. The boss has taken all the stuff that nobody else wants to do, and plopped it on my desk--and I've done it--for years and years and years (get the picture?) to the point where it's just not challenging me or my skills, nor is it building new skills. I'm bored to tears there. This is the main reason why I tell people
"The DAY that I can take retirement, I'll be gone. There will be nothing that could hold me back."
Well, except maybe a challenge or better work or better pay--anything! But at this point, my brain has just basically shut down and said "Why even care anymore." I almost want to cry about it. If I didn't have to worry about my future, I would quit and look for something that would challenge me, but I don't rightly know what that might be, beyond going back to school and getting my Associates Degree and then going...WHERE?
See, I've been stuck in this "going nowhere" job for so long that it's stunted my brain! I no longer have the "go get 'em" attitude. I've lost the "I can do ANYTHING" bravado. I think it happened somewhere along the way when I found out that I couldn't clean the house like a white tornado anymore. I feel tired. Used up. (Not quite) Dead inside.
It's not depression. I know that I've had a hand in doing some really spectacular things for children all across the country! That's saying something! I just don't "feel the love" anymore when people call me everyday and demand to know exactly where that monthly check is. I'm to the point now, where I almost want to retort
"How the f*** should I know? Do I LOOK like the postman?"
I get more satisfaction out of teaching somebody how to knit or crochet. I get the biggest smile when the student finally "gets it" and strives forward confidently! Especially after having worked so hard to make their hands do something that they've never done before, and all of a sudden, it's like everything just sort of falls into place, and the fingers start playing music. It's really something to see them smile, knowing that they've got the basics down and now they can go on to bigger and better things after practicing.
I'm sure that after years of doing that, I would likely get bored with it as well, especially with the "I don't care about school" mentality with kids these days. Yet, sometimes, you run into this exceptional student that just makes you remember why you became a teacher in the first place. I suppose that would be the only saving grace of the whole attempt.
Well, it's time to get going. I have to tell people where the checks are. Bye.