Lousy Days

Well, after all the to do over my "job description", I spent most of my day sending messages to people.

Lousy existence. I really hate this job. I can't figure out why I stay, except for the idea that I've got a union behind me that might stick up for me considering how LONG management has taken advantage of me and my computer understanding. It's just beyond me. They just keep replacing me with other people. Pretty soon, there won't be a job for me to do.

Retirement isn't an option, but I sure wish it was. I'm so disgusted--I mean, I know I should be grateful--there are lots of people who would give their left arm for a job like I have (maybe--if they knew how bad management takes advantage of you and gives you all the crap work, while giving somebody else all the gravy, even though you have more seniority, and pass you over again and again just because you don't have a college degree), and I should be happy that I have all these crazy benefits (which the governor is taking away piece by little piece in order to balance a BIG GOVERNMENT style budget), I mean that's why I started working here-for the $ and the benefits, but it's getting harder and harder to make ends meet every day! As the benefits simply disappear, it's getting harder and harder to justify. If I could retire, you bet I would. I would have to change things quite a bit--like how I live financially, but I would love to retire.

Part of it is that I feel so old and tired. Worked to death you might say. I walk in on Monday, wondering how long it will be before Friday afternoon. That's bad! The other part is that I feel so depressed, as if I don't count. I figure that the changes that come down the pike are just an indicator of things to come, but honestly, I don't want to even think about that. It's too depressing. Even hubby has noticed that I've been more depressed the last few days than normal.

The only thing keeping me "alive" is JoAnn's. I just spent the last half hour on the phone with the coordinator, making sure that my place there is secure and finding out about her plans for the next couple weeks, and learning things. She told me that she never did get my application--which, like a ninny, I turned in around the holiday season, and I think it got lost somehow. So I was asked to turn in another, which I will do on Friday. Perhaps I can obtain some employment there working at the fabric counter or something of the sort. Since I sew, it would be quite nice to be able to fraternize with folks over the cutting counter.

But my discouragement over my other job was starting to spill over into the JoAnn's arena--something which I didn't feel was justified, but thought perhaps I should make sure that I hadn't gone and done something totally stupid (as I usually do). All this "feeling" stuff made me want to find out if there was anything wrong--and there isn't. I was just letting my "feelings" get the best of me.

And the whole discouragement business at the office, may be just a different manager trying to take some of the performance pressure off my shoulders, which is really a NICE thing to do--and maybe my attitude is coming from the wrong arena. Working today was a lot less pressured than last week was, and I didn't feel like it was my responsibility to make everybody happy. And believe me, that sort of pressure, nobody wants! One worker did try to return something back to me, and I wrote her an email stating that the case had gone past my station, and was likely in this other person's office, and I have no further responsibility for it. Therefore, perhaps it's better if she followed up with the other person, and left me out of the loop.

That clinched it. I didn't hear from her again on the matter. Then there was another caller that wanted to talk with their worker, left a voice mail, but then decided she wanted to talk to the supervisor, so okay! I put her through. I did let her know that the supervisor was going to refer her right back to the worker, but there you go! She was insistent, so I put her through. I get lots of people calling like that. Those are the ones who end up contacting the Director of the Department, and of course, that slows down the process considerably. Naturally, the caller doesn't know that, but because it's the director of the department, they feel that they've gone to the top of the mountain and touched the hand of God--as it were. In fact, all the director's office does, is write a memo with a tick-sheet, which is handed down the ladder, manager by manager, until finally, several days later, it gets to the hands of my manager, who hands it to the worker. Then it has to go back up through the SAME CHANNELS and everyone has to lay their hands on it, read about the resolution (if any) and pass it to the next pair of hands up the ladder. Then the director calls the person back. The entire process can take a week to a month!

A call to the worker directly might take two days, perhaps more depending on whether the worker has direct access to effect resolution or not.

Now, which would you prefer? I'd prefer to have the two day resolution. Now there are some things that need to be run up the flagpole, and I can see where that sort of thing can have good things come out of it--changes in how things "happen", making policies that work better and make more sense, making changes in staff responsibilities that make more sense, and make the work flow easier. Updates to programs and to computers/software and such can and do result from running things up the flagpole.

Now it takes a worker just as long to figure out a problem on the phone as it takes me-probably more!. They will get the same answers as I would. I believe that MY BIGGEST PROBLEM is self-mutilation--I want to help people. And so I bend myself into pretzels to get that job done so I can feel good about myself. That responsibility has been removed from my shoulders. I guess I can stand up straight now, and I won't have to pay my chiropractor quite so much money this year!

Maybe if there's anything to feel good about over the whole business, is the idea that I can breathe a little easier and get my job done during the day without the hassle of people breathing down my neck anymore. And I don't have to please everybody all the time now! That might turn out to be a blessing. I just have to remind myself when somebody gets irate with me, that management told me that I don't have to anymore, and go with that.

In the meanwhile, I looked out my front door, and there is my step-son, working feverishly on my car! Praises be! It looks like I might be able to drive my own car tomorrow! Such a blessing! I can barely wait. As soon as it's done, I'm going for a ride! I think that it will lift my spirits considerably!

I think I might be able to live after all.