Unhappy Times

Just before Christmas, in fact, just before all the great holidays of the winter season, he made the decision to leave the house, the wife, the children, the dog and cats--everything he loved as if it were only yesterday. Incredulous that she cried herself to sleep, even though she didn't think he could hear it. The wonder of it took him by surprise. Why would she be so unhappy? She should be happy to the point of bursting that he was on his way out the door!

Truth is, many men are just plain ole stupid. Some of them think that if a girl smiles at them, that there's a chance that they can get back their manhood by being with that dalliance, and my thought on that matter is "oh for Pete's sake, GROW THE HECK UP!" To come to the realization that there are men who never do grow up is horrible, and it's as if there is a little clock inside them that says "you haven't lived enough yet", and off they go in search of God KNOWS what to "find themselves".

Don't get me wrong, women go through this passage, too. Failure to do it results in anger and frustration. But eventually, you do get through that "phase" and realize that things are usually much safer in the status quo. Trust me. The world out there is a mighty scary place. The unfortunate thing is that the holidays are just not the time to leave in order to find yourself. And too many people are so selfish as to leave their families behind and not take steps to make things go better, ESPECIALLY through the holidays. Even then, there is such a feeling of entitlement to this type of behavior, that putting off the inevitable seems unworthy of the feeble attempts at reconciliation, such as THERAPY.

I have a friend who is going through a rough patch. For the last five years, she and her family have extolled the wonderful man she married. Since I didn't know the man--and since I'd only met him once, I reserved judgment, as I normally do--but when I met him, I thought he was nice looking. We didn't say much to each other (it was a simple introduction, and I don't usually know what to say in certain social things), and really all I could say was that my friend had really talked about him a lot in our group. Which, in retrospect, was probably NOT a good thing to say to this person, even though I countered with "oh it's all good stuff! Don't worry!"

Now, however, I'm hearing that he treats her badly and calls her names, and presumably after a huge fight, she has asked him to leave their home. It surprised me. It saddened me. It sickened me. It triggered my "fight or flight response". Then it was gone, because it wasn't me. It was her--and for one fleet moment, I was there again.

Not that I think it has anything to do with whatever I might have said in that social atmosphere, but sometimes your words just come back to haunt you. Know what I mean?

So suddenly, from being what I understood was a pretty happy family, they've gone down the road that I don't especially want to see one of my friends go down, considering that I've been there myself a time or two--and she's in a very self-demeaning place, even though she believes she has been a good wife, she comes back with "I must have been horrible in a previous life."

Well, I don't subscribe to this "previous life" business, although there's some support for it. But I try to be supportive of her feelings, and say all the supportive things that a friend would say such as "It feels like you're dying inside right now, and it feels like you're always going to feel like this, and it does take time, but it does pass." And then I think of the ex-husband that I would still kill if I could get away with it. (I'm sort of tongue in cheek here, because the venom would likely come out verbally, rather than in action.) And she reminds me of me--I was almost the same age as she was. Her circumstances are quite a bit better than mine were, and my husband was always a cretin and nobody liked him...oh, wait, it's been twenty years, right? Twenty years for me to come to that realization--that it was HIS shortcomings, and not mine--and so I tell her THAT, too.

But to have such a thing happen at the holidays--well, there's just no worse time to do that sort of thing to your family--and by so doing, simply cements the hurt and destroys the future holidays, which will be forever shrouded in a tinge of sadness everytime the season rolls around, and for those who are left behind, no matter how much the children support you, nothing is the same. EVER.

So I'm worried about my friend. I pray for her healing. I hope the best for her kids. But most of all, I hope that someday, Christmas becomes just as bright if not brighter, because of the love that ties them together.

Stupid men! BAH! Humbug!

I have been looking for a chemo-cap pattern to make for my father in law. I have the perfect one--and now, just have to knit it. It's made of eyelash yarn, and will look GREAT on his head--bright red. For Christmas, of course. And then I run across some sport weight--ina chamoflage colorway--

HA!

A CHAMO-Chemo!

My friends think I'm loony. I'm going to have fun this Christmas, and I'm going to make my Father In Law the hit of the party! I can't wait.