Morning again. Today, I have to go back to work. My sugar is down to a manageable 196, and while I have a caffeine headache (which I'm taking care of, thank you so very much, with a cup of very weak instant coffee), it's not enough to keep me from hopping into my car and taking off for parts unknown.
Because as much as I just *love* my job (note: small letters), something inside me just wants to run the other direction, screaming at the top of my lungs--NOOOOOOO! Can you picture me holding on to the door jam, fighting tooth and nail NOT to get out in the cold?
Trick is, I have two doctor appointments today. My GP wants to see me--he called me yesterday to set up an appointment--he's not sure what is the trouble with me. I keep waking up at 3-4 am with night sweats, and my blood work says that I am NOT EVEN CLOSE to being menopausal or even peri-menopausal. It is not because it's hot in the house, because it's not hot in the house. The night sweats do not seem to be tied to my sugar, because this morning, my sugar is HALF what it was last week, which is GREAT, but the issue remains.
I finished another hat last night--now I have three in my bag for gifts. I copied the pattern for the piggie socks, so I will be able to work on them at the office without carrying in the book, too. And I can mark up the copy without worrying about ruining the book, which is VERY nice, because I do not like marking up the book.
Then of course, is Grumperina's Tretta, which I downloaded the other day. If I'm not careful, I'll end up with a bunch of hats, and I'm not a hat wearer, really. With all the sweating I do, by the time I get to work, my hair is literally plastered to my scalp--which is not really attractive as a morning look--so I tend to wear hats that are a little too big for my head. Beyond that, I'm not the most photogenic person--and even less so in a hat. The only thing going for a hat IMSVHO is that they keep ears warm--and with the Winter season coming on, and the snow coming early (yes, we had some sticking this weekend) I think it's best if I wear a hat, if ONLY to keep my ears warm. It's also a good reason to get out my wool and knit another pair of long sleeved mittens and leg warmers--one can never be warm enough in freezing drizzle.
I'm thinking that the medication I'm taking is helping with the sugar issues, plus the fact that I'm eating breakfast at home, rather than at McDonald's--and I haven't had any McDonald's in over a week--today will be a supreme test. McDonald's is my comfort food, and with all the stress at the office, and the convenience of McDonald's on the way to the office, it's going to continue to be a real temptation--including the fact that after work, I pass by, and you can smell the french fries from the roadway--it's a hard habit to break. But I am of the opinion that McDonald's was my primary sugar issue--so staying away from there will likely help tremendously with that, plus the weight issue. But even though I'm eating significantly more "healthy", I'm NOT losing weight--of course, I've not been very active for the last week either, being more concerned with getting food intake under control--and knitting, of course.
But I have to see the GP today about my sugar, and I don't want to let my GP down. I want to go in there proudly this morning and say "See? I got it back down to a number you could live with! So why didn't I lose 150 pounds?"
Why, indeed. You see, I don't eat sugary things. My downfall is the salty snacks--chips and dip, Tostitos and salsa, peanut butter on toast. I haven't had any of those things for over a week either. The pounds should be dropping off like those flies I sprayed with RAID one day last summer--or like the dripping kitchen faucet--or even jumping off my body like rats on a sinking ship! But my initial weight loss of 8 pounds has actually moved back up a couple to a net loss of only 6, and that, my friends, is discouraging.
Because more than watching what I eat, I hate dieting, and I hate exercise even more. I have always been an active person--I used to dance 3 nights a week, played volleyball 3 nights a week, walked to the store to get a pop nearly every day--except in colder weather...but now, pfft. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm perfectly content to stay home and knit, crochet or quilt--exercise just gets in the way--much like work does.
Which is probably the whole issue with my weight. But when I'm working, I walk to the office from my parking space (which I won't do today, due to the doctor's appointments, I will park closer) which is between 3-4 blocks away, and they are long blocks--then again to go home, plus all the running too and fro finding files at the office (always a much loved experience). Heading problems off at the pass. No I get lots of exercise...just not enough to get my blood racing--except for the stress, which is so high--how can I describe it? The telephone rings constantly--with people who want *HELP* and they want it *RIGHT NOW*. They don't want to wait until it's convenient for *YOU*. They want it while they have you on the phone, because you're so hard to get hold of, because your line is always busy, your voice mail is always full, and the rest of the time, you're working so hard, that you don't answer the phone at all! Frankly, I think if I didn't have so much stress at the office, I wouldn't be so freaking FAT!
If I were to get an exercise program going, I would go to the gym--but that costs money, which is better spent on yarn (once again, IMSVHO). There are no gyms near where I work. There is a Curves, but I don't like their methods. I would prefer a trainer, and then, once I got some of the weight off (maybe 40 pounds or so), I'd want to sign up for something a little more aerobic--like dance, for instance. Sigh, the actual desires for my life exceed my pocketbook by quite a ways.
Which leads us to my hubby's job again. These things concern me, and have been in my blog for weeks now, and I'm sure you're quite tired of listening to me voice those concerns time after time after time, but I do that when there's nothing I can do about a particular concern--and hubby's job is just one of those things. One more stressor that simply isn't going to go away *POOF*.
I just wish that there was something I could do about it.
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