Sunday, February 24, 2008

Back from Band...

So sad to see the end of my association with the Grand Rapids Pipe Band. In some ways, a blessing, in some ways it's hard--but it frees up my time to do something else that might well be WAY more exciting.

The PM asked me if any other bands had asked me to come over, and I shrugged and said there might be a couple in the wings, but that I was taking it easy for the time being, which is entirely true. He's been aware for a long time that I was held back by Shirlyn, and for whatever reason, he's more inclined toward keeping her on as Drum Sergeant than to keep me with all my good ideas--and it's not that I wanted him to boot her out, because that wasn't what I wanted at all. She had too much power for one person, and it was impossible to get her to do anything new--he could have resolved that by giving me the stripes--and the responsibility would then be in my hands to show her what to do next--the same way I showed her the tenor part to the drum salute when Ray and I first began with the band.

But, all that's over now. All the work and travelling that I did, working up the drum scores in the software so that it could be shared with everyone. All the work I did on the website. I don't know--how come none of that was appreciated?

Then he said something nearly incomprehensible....he said "it wasn't personal".

If I'd been sitting on a chair, I would have fallen off it. Instead, I simply didn't respond. Better to say nothing I suppose, than to say something I might regret later...and boy, I had plenty to say.

But instead, nothing to him. I know my body language said that I was really far too angry to even look at him, indeed, if he hadn't been talking, I probably wouldn't have known he was even there! I know when I get THAT ANGRY, that if I'm pushed too far, I really will say something, and you'd best watch out, as I will leave nothing unsaid, and I'll lash out and literally rip you to pieces verbally.

I said things to a few people--figuring that something would be said down the pike--true or not--those who were really my friends would know differently. It really was as much a resignation as it was getting fired. I have to keep looking at it that way. There are other bands. It just breaks my heart to see them have to start all over again having thrown away somebody who cared quite a bit--enough to literally go the extra mile.

It's sadder for them, though, than it is for me. MORE TIME TO KNIT, AND I'M OFF TO DO IT!

1 comment:

crafty wee midden said...

I've been 'off the radar' a bit for a wee while - severe depression - and am catching up....just wanted to say I am so sorry about the band and it's their loss: just looking in to say hi and let you know I was thinking about yo

love
Claire