Socks--but does she really read my blog?

Okay, okay, the long awaited pair of socks for my hubby--who by now, is sawing logs, sleeping in his brand new pair.

There's a first for everything--he loves them. They aren't perfect, and the next pair will be better...my afterthought heel ended up just a tad too long and too wide--and it has "ears", but what the hey--they're an original creation by the wife who loves him! While I'm prepping the picture, I'm typing away...

Went to band practice today, and an old friend showed up to assist in determining what can be done to help with the drum corps--and whether or not there's any sort of possibility for the band to go into competition this year. Personally, I don't have enough of my life invested in it to work too hard at it, although it is important to me to some degree or other--mostly for Ray's sake--since I figure it's the only thing keeping him sane--unfortunately for me, while much was accomplished, the Drum Sergeant decided that my son wouldn't be able to perform at the Flint Ceilidh. This has made him most unhappy, as it's been a little over a year since he started, and while he HAS come a long way--the only thing standing in the way of his playing is HER. She is pretty much the source of his stress--he wants badly to impress enough to be able to play and that is hindering his performance in her presence. He's got....um...

Performance anxiety.

Not to laugh--as I've had performance anxiety for years and years--especially when I'm in front of my peers, which makes it impossible to perform in competition, and that's why I've pretty much "stayed away" from it. I need SERIOUS drugs for this sort of thing. So I'm thinking...okay, next week, I could slip my kid a mickey...give him a piece---just a piece of one of my anti-anxiety meds to calm his nerves enough so he won't care so much, but not enough to put him into a coma--you know....like MY dosage. LOL! Not! But they do help me sleep REALLY well if I am all wound up and can't sleep due to this and that running rampant through my head to the point where if I try to shut things in my mind down, it's screaming back at me

"BUT I DON'T WANNA! I DON'T WANNA GO TO SLEEP! IT'S NOT TIME! THE SUN JUST WENT DOWN!" And other myriad things that my mind tells me at 2am and I can't get back to sleep.

Unfortunately, I'm feeling like I'm going to need one of those anti-anxiety lovlies if I'm to sleep tonight, because I am feeling a bit angry. I mean, yes, he's been working on it for a year--yes, yes he should be able to do it flawlessly...where were you when HE DID just a couple of minutes ago????

Sigh. I can't win. I simply cannot win.

And so I call the pipe major....ask if he can put her on a task that has to be completed just before practice--so that she's late--and then I can garner the rest of the drum corps to play for the Pipe Major--for HIM to listen, without her intervention or her "comments" which of course, aren't meant to be taken "personally".

How can he not take it personally? He's the only one being left out of the picture!!!!!

And if it's a matter of playing perfectly, why allow ME to play? Since I make mistakes ALL the time! Seriously. I just have 20 some years experience that I "cover" well and that is really the only difference between my kid and me.

So I'm miffed, as you can tell by now. Glad I got the socks done, or there'd be nothing good to tell you!

So how to get around this brick wall? Ask the cards....I draw...the King of Swords. Fire of Fire. Get PO'd? Ah perhaps not--but I suppose sitting down and dealing with the DS on an intellectual level--explaining to her that she's been so hard on my kid that he just can't perform well in front of her? Oh, like that's going to go over well. She just comes off as so PUSHY and DEMANDING. How can she expect perfection? Need I remind her of the Kalamazoo Air Zoo fiasco? LOL! Oh, dear! Do you know that tonight, Ray told me that SHE was the reason that our Bass Drummer left the band? Do you know that Ray told me that our Bass Drummer told him this on two different occassions? Did I tell you that I don't believe that conversation ever occurred--HOWEVER--that I know that our Bass Drummer set up the performance, and was likely horribly embarrassed over our performance as a drum corps when we all totally spazzed out on a piece that we all knew quite well. I know that this performance was something that our Bass Drummer worked hard to schedule--and to have it blow up in our faces--well...

On the other hand, I asked the Pipe Major if this was his reason for quitting, and he said no--but if I must be honest, I do believe it had a great deal to do with it. Back then, I blamed the DS for the screw up--she wasn't listening to the rest of the corps, figuring that she was most important--and I was focussed on the one person who wasn't quite able to play the piece up to the speed that we others were accustomed to--because you are only as good as your slowest player. The tenors didn't listen, got WAY ahead, and in process everything sounded like a mess. If I had to be honest with myself, I would have to admit my own fault in the matter. However, my own fault lay in believing in the good of the band and letting everyone be able to play, which ultimately is what needs to happen--other people need to be able to play....MY GOD WOMAN! I AM 50 YEARS OLD! HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS SORT OF THING?

Instead, I grouse to my blog.

I wonder if she reads my blog?